Where do you go for wisdom when you have questions about romantic relationships?
God knows every facet of human nature and the complexities and intricacies of romance. God is love. He is the author of marriage and romance. Although the Bible never describes the modern concept of dating, the Bible perfectly understands the people who participate in it (Psalm 33:15). The Bible uses different categories to address the issues couples encounter in romance.
The biblical goal of dating and engagement is to pursue marriage in a way that loves God first and loves others second.
This can be deduced by the two greatest commandments (Matthew 22:36-40). The Bible adequately tells all believers how to be equipped for every good work (Hebrews 13:21, 2 Timothy 3:17). The Bible speaks to everything related to “life and godliness.” (2 Peter 1:3)
The Bible tells us that we must bring glory to God in all things and this must include romantic relationships such as dating (1 Corinthians 10:31, Colossians 1:18). The Bible tells us that we must be holy as God is holy and this includes holiness in dating (1 Peter 1:15-16). The Holy Spirit can produce the fruit of the Spirit in every believer during any season of life (Galatians 5:22-23). In light of these passages, the Bible explains how to walk before God and as a couple in the season of dating.
The burden of a Christian couple is to view every problem through a comprehensive biblical worldview and discern how in “whatever” they do it brings glory to God (1 Corinthians 10:31). The chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying him. This is the secret to human flourishing. Both glorifying God and enjoying him can be fully accomplished in dating and engagement by obeying the Scriptures.
But how does this look in every day life? What does this mean for your relationship?
On Monday, October 2nd, Spencer and I will be discussing how to apply the Bible to the issues couples face in dating and engagement. We will be speaking at the Crafting a Covenant conference in Jacksonville, FL. The content will be intentionally different from our books which release tomorrow. We would love for you to join us either in person or via live stream. The main sessions will be streamed at no cost and the full schedule is here.
Who we desire is driven by powerful evolutionary forces, but while most of us are drawn to looks first (whether or not we admit it), human attraction is far more complex than it appears at first sight.
…it’s more important to be well matched with your partner than to catch the most beautiful person in your circle. Couples, whether same-sex or heterosexual, tend to fall within similar ranges of size, education, religious beliefs, values, and socioeconomic status.
I wait with eager expectation for my wedding day. The day when my friends and family gather to celebrate with me God’s faithfulness and love through the good gift of marriage. The day when my future husband and I will enter into a covenant before God that by his grace we will be committed to one another for the rest of our lives. The day that we will begin our marriage and our relationship will become a picture of Christ and his bride the church. The day for which we have been planning and hoping for months and even years. It will indeed be a joyous day that is worthy of celebrating.
But the joy of my earthly wedding day will pale in comparison to the day Christ returns: the wedding day of Christ and his bride the church. This joy will pale in comparison not because earthly weddings are not rightly to be celebrated as a good gift from the Lord, but because of the surpassing greatness of Christ’s union with his bride. Because on this heavenly wedding day, the church will finally experience what earthly marriage has been pointing to for all this time. Instead of having the picture or shadow of what is to come, we will experience the real thing. We will experience intimacy and union with Christ that is beyond what we could ever hope or imagine. This heavenly wedding day is recorded in Revelation 21:1-7. According to this passage there are two future realities that Christ’s bride has to look forward to: perfect union with God and God doing away with sadness and sin.
We will finally experience perfect union with God. Revelation 21:3 says, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them.” In the Old Testament, the tabernacle served as a picture of the presence of God (Ex. 40:34). But while the presence of God rested upon the tabernacle that was in the camp of his people, he did not fully dwell among his people. They interacted with God in the way he prescribed through sacrifices mediated by the priests and through Moses, but the people themselves could not enter into God’s presence. Because of Christ’s sacrifice, in the New Testament era, Christians have the Holy Spirit dwelling within them and are able to enter into the presence of God (Matt. 27:51). But we still do not have God dwelling among us in a physical sense. In Revelation, the presence of God actually dwells among his people in both a physical and a spiritual sense. God’s people will no longer need to approach God through the mediation of a priest, but will instead dwell with Him. We will have perfect union with God both physically and spiritually.
Along with dwelling among his people, God will also “wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Rev. 21:4a). We will no longer experience the pain and heartache that comes from living in a world that is broken by sin. There will be no more physical pain of injury or disease. No more emotional pain of broken relationships and difficult circumstances. The reason that God will be able to do away with sadness is because he will completely do away with sin. Revelation 21:4b says, “there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.” No longer will we fight against a sinful nature. No longer will sin bring about death and pain. No longer will our relationship with God and our relationships with others be torn because of our sin or because of the sins of others. We will live in perfect peace with God and with his people. We will no longer have the ability to do, say, think or feel anything that is displeasing to God. Because there is no sin, we will be able to fully experience union with our creator.
So as I long for my earthly wedding day, I seek to allow this yet unfulfilled longing to point my mind to a higher and more certain reality. Not just the fulfillment that may come if God allows me to marry, but the certain fulfillment that will come when Christ returns and is united fully and perfectly to his bride the church. Beyond the unfulfilled longing of earthly marriage, I should fight for this mindset in the face of any unfulfilled longing on this earth. My ultimate satisfaction will come when Christ returns and I dwell fully with the Lord and experience the end of sin and sadness. This reality is greater and more precious than any good gift God may choose to give on this earth.
Kaity Glick is a graduate of Boyce College and is getting married July 29th.
- What if I am not a virgin? What if my boyfriend or girlfriend is not a virgin? Should I tell them?
- When is a good time to talk about sexual history?
- Is your relationship ready for this conversation?
- How should you approach this conversation?
- How does the gospel of Jesus Christ impact this discussion?
- What practical advice should I know before discussing this?
The task of turning down a date can be tricky. I (Spencer) continue the casual, candid, and sometimes funny conversation with Sean on the topic of declining a date.
There are numerous reasons why a girl would not be interested in a romantic relationship. Here are some of the questions we talk about in this brief (8 minute) podcast:
- What are some basic biblical categories to think through on this topic?
- How should a girl say “no” to a Christian guy she doesn’t like?
- What if someone declines a date and they ask again?
- What if someone isn’t getting the picture that I am not interested?
- You had many years to live as a single person. Why would you get married so young?
- How did you know you were ready to get married?
- Does the Bible allow for young people to get married early?
- What are some of the indicators that you are ready for marriage?
- How much money do you need in the bank before marriage?