Dear Young Engaged Man,
You have a completely legitimate question: “Should Christian couples kiss before marriage?”
All cards on the table: I believe kissing should be saved only for your spouse. My philosophy on the subject might seem radical, but let that be attractive rather than repelling. After all, Jesus said the way to life is narrow and few would find it.
I suggest refraining from kissing until you say your vows. Now if you find yourself agreeing with me, do not to make these things law. Instead, be convinced in your own mind and strive to display your pleasure in purity for the glory of Christ. Let me try to convince you briefly.
- I’ve never met anyone who regretted this decision. However, I’ve met many couples who wished they had saved more for their marriage.
- Kissing shows commitment. A kiss is a special sign of deep friendship. Consider Psalm 2:12, “Kiss the Son lest he be angry with you.” Jesus wants you to kiss him before He comes. This passage communicates what everyone knows deep down- A kiss is not “just a kiss”. Jesus wants exclusive devotion, submission and love. In my opinion, kissing communicates special covenantal language. This is what makes a “holy kiss” greeting holy, and what makes a Judas betrayal so wicked.
- Kissing is like jumping out of an airplane. It starts the thrill of skydiving. You can pull a parachute, but you’ve started the descent and its very hard to turn back. To begin every time and then stop half way is going against the laws of gravity.
- I want to maximize my pleasure. I’m the guy who thinks it is exciting to save dessert for last. The same applies here.
- We want to do everything possible to “present our brides to ourselves in splendor without spot or wrinkle or blemish.” (Ephesians 5:27) Not one wrinkle should be found. Not even a single blemish on the garment of purity. Refrain from kissing will help accomplish this and lessen the pressure of temptation.
- There is something exciting about cheering when a groom kisses his long awaited bride.
- I will cheer for you regardless of what you decide but I think your heart will cheer louder if the kiss has been treasured by patience.
I lay these things before you for your consideration. Talk about these things and let me know what you decide.
And remember, it is never too late to redeem something.
The content for this post has been updated and expanded in Letters to a Romantic: On Dating which will be released in 2017 by P&R Publishing.